I like to dabble in expectations of outcomes quite a bit.  It’s dangerous territory for me as I have a penchant to go to negative and dark places with worst-case scenarios under the guise of “being prepared”.  But sometimes, every so often, the pendulum that is life swings into the fortunate, “I didn’t see that coming “realm of fortune. 

Over the past year, I’ve faced several health-related challenges.  The maelstrom of unexpected health crap started in December of last year and has continued to spiral at a furious pace.  Trying to steer through these waves of unforeseen circumstances at an even keel without capsizing my vessel enroute to calmer, more settled seas has required an immense effort.  Like a car that is out of warranty, I am now faced with a plethora of issues and a check engine light that won’t go off.  I’m not going to delve into the litany of what I’ve faced so far this year.  I am, however, going to focus on one oddball situation and what I learned.  It was a huge lesson in HOPE – which is where I try to stay.  It comes with a huge side of gratitude, especially for the life lesson learned.

On a recent trip to Maui with some dear friends is where this particular situation kicked off.   One of my friends desperately wanted to try Stand Up Paddleboarding (SUP).  In the spirit of adventure, I decided to give it a go.   I’d never been paddle boarding before and had my doubts as to whether this truly was in the realm of things I would experience success at, however, I opted to give it a try.  I enjoyed the overall experience, however, I failed to stand up on the paddle board that day and ended up in the ocean.  Paddling around a bay while seated on my board, I became fatigued and needed to be towed back in.  Upon my arrival back at an extremely rocky shore, focused on making my way up the beach, I smacked my head quite hard on a rather large, low-hanging tree branch.  I ended up with a mild concussion. 

When I got back home post-trip I decided in an abundance of caution to see my doctor.  He sent me for a CT scan, and this is when things started to get a little weird.  Concussion-wise I was fine, however, the CT scan picked up a lesion on my parotid gland and a subsequent ultrasound confirmed it.  Now, not a lot of people get CT scans of their heads which is why I think these things are somewhat rare – however, I’m not a doctor so who knows!  It was a bit of a rigmarole to figure out who to go see about this weird growth on one of my salivary glands.  It took a couple of weeks to nail down an appointment with the correct medical office and doctor.  In the interim, I did what many people in my shoes would do – I resorted to the internet for additional information and answers.  All internet searches seemed to go the same way and it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.  This little problem had the potential to have a HUGE impact on my life over the next few months.

I was discussing all my research and conclusions with someone and there was such uncertainty as to what the next few months were going to look like that, I stopped making plans and put my life on hold pending confirmation of my suspicions by a doctor.  The person I was discussing this with (might have been a therapist), validated my need to be informed.  However, she pointed something out to stop taking my rumination to the absolute worst-case scenario and break my cycle of worrying and fretting.  She said to say to myself, “and what if this all works out.”  Period.  The End.  

When she said this to me, it made me smile and think of something else.  We had recently been fortunate amid this medical chaos to spend time with my husband’s family.  We sat outside, in the sunshine around a patio table, as my husband and his two siblings discussed their childhood memories.  One such memory was of a trip from their New Jersey childhood home, by car, all the way to the home of their grandparents in Napa, California.  They would occupy themselves on the long road trip by taking turns making up stories.  My husband’s brother and sister would develop these elaborate plots, and after both had their turn, the last person to add to the story would be my husband.   He always contributed the same thing to the story, no matter what the plot.  “….and then we got to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  The End!”    For him, that was the most positive outcome available, so he ended all of their stories on a happy note.

What if we ask ourselves, instead of what is the worst-case scenario, what does life look like when things work out?  For me, a sense of calm and more importantly – HOPE, sets in.  I subscribe to a “next right thing” sort of decision-making process.  When things do go wrong, there is a high probability they will go wrong in such a manner that I won’t have seen it coming anyway.  So, if I feel the need to ruminate, why not inject a little of the “what if this works out” line of thought in there.  

When I finally had my appointment on the parotid lesion, the doctor validated some of my research upon review of the previous imaging, but said a biopsy was needed to see if the growth was benign (which statistically it probably was) or malignant.  He was able to do the biopsy then and there.  The first biopsy surprised him.  It didn’t provide the results he expected.  He had to perform the biopsy two more times and the third time was a charm.  The result wasn’t on either of our radars.  This was no lesion; this was a cyst – which may be even rarer than a parotid lesion.  The 20 minutes he had spent discussing parotid lesions with me earlier during the appointment was no longer relevant.  Parotid cysts had never been part of my research.  None of my carefully crafted possibly outcomes applied anymore.  All I was going to need to do was come back for another ultrasound in a year to have it checked.  This was a better possible outcome than I could have imagined!

I can’t disaster-proof my life by overthinking and stewing over problems.  I CAN do the next right thing.  I CAN remind myself that sometimes things work out.  Things always work out – expectations don’t change HOW they work out because life loves surprises!